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Rapid cycling feels like your mind is playing tricks on you.You are sad one minute, hyper the next, giddy, and then back to sad, teary, and wanting to hide.It’s been suggested that I had child onset bipolar, but since they didn’t think that was possible at the time they just called it ADHD.So honestly, I don’t remember a time in my life when I was “normal”.
Lyndsay: It feels painful (mentally and physically), stressful, scary, and dramatic. During my manic episode, I spend a lot, I can’t feel any emotions, I shut people out, I’m impulsive, and I’m mean.I become frustrated with how emotionally labile I am, and I feel terrible that I have anger outbursts, am agitated and rude when I am in a hypomanic state, or that I am “useless” and amotivated when in a depressed state, i.e.unable to cook, clean, empty the dishwasher, put things away etc.” What is also confusing and frustrating about rapid cycling is that you can be anxious regardless of what state you are in. Lauren: Rapid cycling feels like a large roller coaster- but one that is never ending, with highs and lows of unknown duration and height/depth, going around over and over again.I’ve had several major depressive episodes, which add even more frustrations to the mix.Because of this, I usually have to adjust my medications several times a year.
The doctors I’ve seen said this might just be my new “normal”.